Here’s another tale from the annals of The Pit. Back when The Pit was a thing, there was a small, run-down Kash n’ Karry grocery store near the corner of Bearss Ave. & Florida Ave. Some of our crew lived over near it and would shop there, as the fine consumers we all tried to be.
One problem… most of us looked like hoodlums. We were good kids (comparatively to our appearance, anyway), but sometimes this would lead to misunderstandings at times… and that’s why The Pit existed. We were a place where freaks would not be judged, and a collective that would actively toy with the minds of any squares who picked on our people with decisive force. Membership had its privileges.
One day, Lew, myself, Donnie, Jimmy, Mikey and a bunch of the other guys were standing around at The Pit, discussing our usual water cooler topics of the day. One of our friends who lived over in Lew’s neighborhood, by said K&K, brought his little brother to us that fine afternoon. The boy was in tears. The young punk looking gentleman had gone to the store to buy a pack of gum, and the stock crew followed him around and the manager ejected him from the store, on the accusation that he was a lowlife and a thief.
Full disclosure: I was working at the time at another Kash n’ Karry right down the street from our hangout. I was one of the thugs who would chase down shoplifters there… however, the crew at my store had rules: we didn’t care what you looked like… and if we knew you were honest, we’d greet you as a friend. We knew all of our neighbors, and weren’t worried about them. These idiots at the “lesser” store had broken that code… so I was immediately pissed. This could not go unpunished.
Lew immediately knew EXACTLY what to do. So, we congregated with the members of The Pit that were present, and a plan was formed. We all went back to our homes and grabbed the baggiest, most gaudy jackets and whatnot that we owned, put ‘em on and reconvened. Lew and I had old army trench coats that were perfect for the mission we were about to undertake. Dressed in the uniforms required for our current objective, we marched right down there to the store and entered in a single file line.
Immediately we identified the manager who had hassled the kid, and as a group we blew him a kiss. Then, we continued to walk directly to the center of the store in a single file line. We wanted them to have time to prepare, after all… the next thing we did was going to be fun, but would fail without an audience!
Since I knew store protocol, as we all stood in a circle in the center aisle, I let my boys know when the stock crew was out trying to watch us, and that’s where Lew’s part of the plan kicked in. “Split up, boys! Let’s do it!” my friend shrieked…and each of the 10-12 guys in our group went down a different aisle in every different direction.
Each person in our group had one purpose for this part of the plan… to appear to be stealing everything possible in the most obvious way, but not ACTUALLY pocketing anything, as then that idiot manager would be justified. We’d move up to the products and wildly throw out the side of our coats and make crazy gestures like we were stuffing whatever item was near us into our coats… and of course, not doing so. All of us… at once… everywhere. It was beautiful.
Their stock crew was in a frenzy trying to follow all of us around. Lew and I crossed paths at one point during this 5 minutes of mayhem and overhead one stock guy exclaim to his co-worker “They’re… they’re everywhere!!! This is like a video game, man!” We were having a ball…
However, one of the reasons why our plans would usually work is because Lew would come up with the concept and execution, and my job was to make sure we wouldn’t get caught. So, after our crew dallied around making them chase us for almost 5 minutes, we all knew exactly when to quit… because we really didn’t want to talk to cops and explain our elaborate joke. So, the whole crew reconvened at the front of the store, behind the registers and waited… we knew the manager that tormented our buddy’s little brother would have no choice but to face us, and so he did.
The man came up, sweating and shaking, looked at us all standing before him and exclaimed… “What…. What do you guys WANT?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!!!!”
On cue, our buddy’s little brother, who was amongst us, walked up to the manager, held out a pack of gum and a quarter and said to him “I’d like to purchase this, mister. My friends just wanted to come with me.”
Exasperated, the sweaty old man took the quarter into his shaking hand, handed the kid a receipt… and with that, we all walked right back outside in a single file line, whistling and giving the manager the finger.
That is how the Pit dealt justice. The manager never messed with that kid again… and the store closed down about a year later. I know we didn’t cause that part, but if we WERE a factor, that would probably be pretty neat. 🙂
(In hindsight, it may have been Mikey who handed the manager the quarter… it was a long time ago. The rest of this is accurate, though… and either way… glorious.)
